Denial

My daughter has HIV.

No, this isn't new information; I've known that for two years.

And I thought I was okay with it.

As okay as you can be with these things, I suppose....

Then there was today.

Today we were doing medical clinics at Ssenge Village with African Hearts.

Moreen (the school administrator) had suspicions about whether a few of the children at their school might be positive.  Lynsay and I purchased rapid HIV tests and performed five tests today.

Two of them were positive.

And I lost it.

I was so sad.

Then I was mad.

Adults can do something about whether they get HIV.

(Don't have unprotected sex; don't share sharp objects)

But kids.  These kids.  They didn't deserve this.

It's not fair.

See where this is going?

Sometime in the middle of being just plain ticked off about it, I realized that I've never really processed the fact that my daughter is positive.  MY daughter.  Positive. 

It's not fair.

And it's not fair for the babies we diagnosed today.

OF COURSE I believe that Leah can (and will) have a long, healthy life.

I pray about it and have faith that God will see it through.

But the fact remains that Leah has this rat-bastard of a disease (yea, I said it) and she will have it, barring a healing, for a lifetime.  And I'm sad.